NYC 40º 43' N, 74º 0' W

I just started sailing again after a surgically enforced hiatus of six weeks. The pain of the surgery is something that I definitely don’t want to repeat, however the time off from work and sailing definitely helped me gain some perspective. Some of the things that I learned were as follows; I don’t hate my job as much as I thought I had and I don’t miss sailing on the schooner Pioneer as much as I thought I would.

The surgery got me thinking, but the real epiphany for me was going on the advanced training sail this past Monday. I recognize that the fulltime crew put a lot of thought into the training sail, but it wasn’t advanced. We didn’t raise the fisherman, nor did we go over the charts, now did we go through the engine. We covered fairleads, points of sail, how to trim the sails and how to furl the headsails. Only the most very basic aspects of sailing were covered. I guess I should have, but I hadn’t realized before that the fulltime crew thinks I’m a shitbird; just another knucklehead that doesn’t know what they’re doing.

I’ve always known that I’m a dilettante when it comes to tall ship sailing. How could I be otherwise? I only sail three times a week on a traditional vessel that only does daysails in New York Harbor. I know the vessel has more to teach me; anything to do with the engine for instance. But I never thought that after three years of sailing on the Pioneer that anyone would think I was incompetent. That someone would think my knowledge base so low that they had to cover points of sail.

Basically, its not my schooner anymore. There’s no encouragement or understanding that I want to take ownership of the boat. That I have something to add other than unskilled labor. Previous crews had improved my skills by berating or encouraging me as needed, but never by demeaning them. Rather it was always by challenging my knowledge of the boat and sailing. They also made me feel that it was my boat too. That I had a valuable contribution to make.

I’ll still sail on Pioneer because I still love sailing, but its not my schooner any more.